Learning to Wait: Embracing Time on My Journey to Spain
The process of getting to Spain has involved a lot of waiting and getting comfortable with the passage of time. Anyone who has ever gone through the visa application process knows that you have to accept that everything beyond collecting the paperwork is completely out of your control. Sitting in the visa application office in New York City, almost in tears because I was so tired of waiting—waiting for my prayers to be answered, for my visa to come, and for this new adventure to start—I was forced to confront my poor relationship with time.
I've never been good at slowing down. Ask any of my friends and family—they’ll confirm that I’m always doing something, never sitting still, with my wheels constantly turning. I’ve lived my life in fear that if I don’t keep my hands and mind busy working toward some goal, even a ridiculous one, I’ll fall apart. The anxiety that I’m not doing enough will overtake me, the enemy will swallow me up, and I’ll cease to be.
The problem is, the more you run from time, the more it catches up with you. Just because you’re keeping busy doesn’t mean the work you’re doing is purposeful. Looking back on decisions I’ve made, I feel deep regret for all the time wasted on work just for the sake of staying busy. Those choices led me down a path of self-destruction, weakening my ability to embrace life’s natural rhythms and practice patience in all things.
When I applied for the teaching position in Spain, I was unprepared for how long it would take for everything to come together. The application, background checks, paperwork, visa appointments, waiting for regional placements, then school placement, trips to the consulate—it was all a waiting game, and the anxiety almost overtook me.
Now, I almost laugh thinking about my reaction to the whole ordeal. Four months, six months, even a year is such a short amount of time to see your dreams come to life. And even though I’ve been waiting 23 years for this opportunity, I have to acknowledge that some people wait much longer for their dreams to be realized.
I was so uncomfortable with the idea of waiting that I couldn’t let go of control over my life and release it into the hands of a God who promised to grant me more than I could ever ask or imagine.1 Why wasn’t I strong enough to accept the passage of time and the structures of this life with the maturity of a Christian who trusts all things to God?
At the beginning of creation, time was not something that was always running out. Each day had its specific purpose, culminating in the seventh day dedicated to rest. Time, rest, and patience were good and holy things. Today, patience feels like a betrayal of the all-consuming drive for success that is so prevalent in popular culture.
In my Old Testament class in college, reading The Sabbath by Rabbi Abraham Heschel was one of the highlights of the course. It’s safe to say that everyone who actually read the book (because, let’s be honest, many definitely didn’t do every reading—I certainly didn’t read every assigned book. Sorry to all my professors) would say it changed their lives.
Heschel, an Orthodox Jewish rabbi, was born in Warsaw in 1907. He escaped just six weeks before the German invasion, though he lost his entire family in the Holocaust. He later moved to New York City, where he built a new life and became one of the most widely-read Jewish theologians of the 20th century.2
In The Sabbath, Heschel breaks down many of the harmful perceptions surrounding time and rest in our Western culture, which prioritizes productivity and efficiency above all else. Rather than seeing the Sabbath as a day to sit around waiting to get back to work, Heschel reframes it as the pinnacle of the week—a time dedicated to rejuvenation, community, and rejoicing. Every other day of the week is lived in anticipation of the Sabbath.
For Heschel, life is less about space and more about time, specifically the sanctification of time.3 He knew that patience is one of the hardest things for humans to master. But once we’re freed from the endless cycle of busy work, we can begin to see the joy of rest, a foreshadowing of eternity with God.4 Yes, we keep the Sabbath day holy, but we also joyfully anticipate it as we look forward to eternity. “The Sabbath is a queen as well as a bride”.5
Having read this book, you’d think I would handle situations where time is out of my control with grace and tranquility.
Normally, airports are restful places for me. I love the time in between flights, free from responsibility while I wait. Even with TSA PreCheck, I get to the airport at least two hours early so I can enjoy that liminal space. Any requests sent my way can be shrugged off with the perfectly valid excuse of, “Sorry, I’m at the airport.”
This time, though, the airport was just a place of mounting anxiety. After a tearful goodbye with my parents, I couldn’t settle into that mindset of acceptance that usually comes with waiting. My flights were delayed, I missed connections, and I couldn’t control any of it. After months of hard work to bring this dream to life, I felt like I was falling apart, too exhausted to bear the weight of it anymore.
My focus had become entirely inward. I lost sight of the bigger picture, the path God was so clearly leading me down. That’s the temptation in times of stress—to get lost in your own mind, drowning in anxiety. Without any of my wonderful church community or family members to pull me out of it, I could only turn to God. Sitting at a charging station, I pulled out my Bible and journal in desperation and began to read.
After maybe 30 minutes, a woman sat down next to me and, with a soft London accent, said, “It’s so nice to see someone with their Bible open.” We started talking about faith, theology, and the church, and as we did, my heart felt lighter and lighter. A warm feeling spread across my body as the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, washed over me.
Looking back, that conversation brought me back into the mindset of eternity. Yes, the present moment was stressful, but in God’s grand plan, I was still on the right path, walking as a pilgrim—or “peregrino”—in faith that His promises would be fulfilled by the end of the journey.
I wish I could say I kept that tranquil mindset for the rest of my journey. But when my flight was delayed, and we sat on the tarmac for an hour and a half—ensuring I’d miss my connecting flight from Madrid to Santiago de Compostela—the anxiety returned. Still, beneath the worry, I could feel a peace at the bedrock of my soul, keeping me from completely falling into the swamp of anxiety again.
In this life, suffering is promised. We know that our lives will never be free from worries about jobs, money, relationships, and more—despite what prosperity gospel preachers may claim. These trials can last days, even years, and there’s no quick solution. All we can do is glorify God in the places He has led us, sanctifying our lives as we prepare for eternity with our Heavenly Father.
I’ll save the details of my first week in Spain for another post, but know that the Lord has been faithful, always drawing my mind outward toward His calling. I know there are countless challenges ahead, but I’m (slowly) learning to embrace the rhythms of time in this life. I eagerly await the start of the school year and the opportunity to move forward as a pilgrim, embracing the work in the here and now, while anticipating what is to come.
I’ll leave you with a quote from The Sabbath that perfectly captures the spirit of my pilgrimage to Spain. Remember, God is faithful concerning all of his promises and is our constant cheerleader and protector as we walk our individual paths toward eternity.6 Ciao, a todos!
“Creation is the language of God, time is His song, and things of space are the consonants in the song. To sanctify time is to sing the vowels in unison with Him. This is the task of men: to conquer space and sanctify time.”7
The Holy Bible, Ephesians 3:20. English Standard Version (ESV).
Abraham Joshua Heschel." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Last modified September 19, 2023. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Joshua_Heschel.
Heschel, Abraham Joshua. The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1951, 8.
Heschel, 73.
Heschel, 62.
The Holy Bible, Psalm 145:3. English Standard Version (ESV).
Heschel, 101.